Letting go and having fun
i apologize, i think i just broke the chain. I wasn’t able to publish anything yesterday but then i realized forcing yourself to write something, no matter how lame it may be, isn’t an excuse not to write, so i deeply apologize.
yesterday i realized that i’ve somewhat been uptight lately. maybe it’s because of work or because of everything that’s been going on lately (which i will share on a separate post), but ultimately i think its because i’ve grown up.
its funny how going back or remembering the past can actually help you let go of all your current inhibitions and just have fun. yesterday that’s exactly what i did— albeit unplanned— its safe to say that the randomness made it more thrilling.
I spent the night in a “before-weekend-almost-weekend” party at some bar with my boyfriend and some of his colleagues and i realized that was just what i needed to relax and remember again what really mattered and how life will always catch you when you least expect it. suffice it today my Thursday night was just what i needed loosen up a bit and just live a little.
The aftermath is the heaviest part only because its when clarity strikes that you realize that life isn’t at all unfair. Life just waits for your to realize potentials and dreams. I waits for you to get up off your bum and do something with it. People assume it is unfair because someone got this and that but you didn’t. See comparing your life with someone else’s is a waste of time. Grab life by the balls and live it.
Yesterday i did that just and the feeling of letting go and just living got me to a whole new high. You might think its the alcohol talking (maybe it its) but i realized that the world is such a small place and life is so limited (if you will) that there isn’t any other time to waste being so controlling or uptight or stressed. Life is what you make of it and for me i choose to make the most out of it.
Thoughts during the mid week
During breakfast, i was thinking about promises and the binding power it really has. I mean so what if someone promises to do something for you, does that really mean they are bound to do it? what about marriage and the promise of eternal bliss, does that mean they actually have to keep you happy forever? i mean granted marriage comes with contracts and the blessing of the church but does it? and then i got to think about breaking promises and the effect that has on 1. the person breaking it and 2 the one the promise was broken to.
then i realized that words actually have a funny power over us. it makes us think that something is more than what it really is because a simple word means so much. take the word almighty i mean really when you break it down, it really is just composed of 8 letters with two root words — all and mighty. All encompasses everything and Mighty means strong. put together you have a word the means powerful which i assume psychologically establishes a fear inside of us because you know we mere mortals have only so much power.
Anyway, i’ve been sidetracked. the word in question is promise. Google defines promise as:
A declaration or assurance that one will do a particular thing or that guarantees that a particular thing will happen.
So really when we further tear is apart, a promise is just a declaration—something you say, assurance— something that you know, guarantee— something that you believe in. Nothing in that definition says that it binds someone unconditionally to actually fulfill that.
Yet here’s the thing only the coward don’t keep their promises. So what if that’s just a word that probably doesn’t mean have much power on someone expect to sound more assuring, well newsflash, promises aren’t made to be broken because for someone who lives by that promise, who waits for the fulfillment of that promise, it is heartbreaking and disappointing to not get that. Again this might just be the word having a certain effect to our psyche but that doesn’t give a person the right to break something you placed your whole faith into— oftentimes your whole life.
What i’m driving as is that people make a lot of excuses for doing something they did because of their own selfish reason and that just their either scared to face the reality of their actions or simply losers. yes, i mean they lost the most valuable thing they had because of what they did and they can never get that back.
Maybe if all of us think before me act and not let our surroundings pressure us to conform in some certain way, then maybe less promises would be broken rather than hearts and more smiles would be made then frowns and ultimately more families will be together instead of apart.
Back to Basics
I’ve forgotten how to write. Well i don’t mean literally.
i think inside, i’ve always found myself to be a writer, someone who never really ran out of words and had so much stories to tell. writing was a form of expression that i always kept close to my heart. i lived in that imaginary world of fiction and make believe ever since i could remember— whether it be my own writing or reading a good book or two from my favorite authors.I dreamed of being one myself, a novelist of sorts whose words would inspire. yet, somehow reality always manages to pull you out of your long running day dream and reminds you that after running with unicorns and falling in love with the most handsome boy in school, the real world is still right in front of you.
And boy did it slap me on the face. As like most people, i grew up from writing. I don’t really know why or how that happened but it did. somehow i finally found reality to be fun and engaging. Mostly, i had to hurdle through life on my own when i chose to live away from home during my days at Uni. That’s a whole new story though, one i intend to write about here. Anyway, maybe along the way of trying to be responsible and mature or maybe was it during the days i needed to figure out what i really wanted and who i really was that i forgot about the comfort of words.
I was talkative and shared many things to many people—listening admittedly was never a strong suit back then — and maybe that’s where i found my words went. I was more vocal now, more honest, and people actually wanted to listen to me. I guess my passion for writing started at a time when i was shy and seemed to appreciate that me time i seem to always have. Somehow, fending for myself in a big city manage to make me more confident and sure of myself. And i guess instead of grabbing my notebook and pen to write about whatever i felt, i could now say it.
after four years of being in and out of writing, i always found myself wondering how i have forgotten it. How did i come to this point without writing something that meant something to me? I remember back in the day i would choose writing over sleep and even to an extent, spending time with people because i’d rather hole up in my room facing a blank page on Word document.
Deep down, i know it is inside of me and with a little push i will remember it. i will remember the joy it brought me and i will remember how the words give me comfort and solace in times of uncertainty.
So here i start The Write Project where i challenge myself to write something once a day. I challenge myself to feel the words escape me again and let them bring me to worlds anew.
Wish me Luck!